Learning to accept

While reading the newspaper this morning, I came across one special article which was based on the recent rape and molestation cases happened in Mumbai as well as Pune; and I remembered the bravest woman I have seen till date and that's Dr. Sunitha Krishnan. Few days back, I came across this video of the talk she delivered. I could not only fill the pain and sufferings she must have gone through but could also sense the way she has transformed them into her strength. The strength that not only backed her up but also supported many other victims. Since then, I have been thinking about all this. Lots of questions and thoughts like -

• In almost all the cases, the girl is an innocent victim. In very few cases it so happens that the girl blindly trusts some stranger or so and gets trapped in such things.
• Assuming the first case above, if it's not her fault, why does she have to suffer? We are used to the situation when the accused can live freely even after such deeds, if so, then the question is still more logical - why does then only she have to suffer?
• If the accused has all that backup from whoever they are, why cannot the girl get the same, or more support from her family and friends?
• Why can such an incident not be considered as a mishap or accident, can be taken actions on and then move on?
• Why can no one accept the victim?

Few months back, I read a short story written by Marathi writer, Ratnakar Matkari. It was about a girl who stays in Mumbai (far from her native place) and is doing a job which demands her to work late sometimes. The writer was curious as to whether she is scared of staying alone and working late nights. She puts the answer as follows (not the exact wording of course!). "If a man works till late and travels back to home, and suppose he gets robbed by thieves or if he gets beaten up by someone, what will he do? Go to the Doctor, get himself checked, take rest for a couple of days and start working again. What difference does that make if it's a woman instead? If someone attacks me, I will do the same." -- I actually read the story twice or thrice because I was not able to assimilate then the way she had put this. Is this so simple to say - what if that happens to me? I will get myself checked up and carry on with my life! Is it that simple? May be, in the story, yes! (I don't remember whether that was a fictional character but I somehow tend to believe that it was not a real one!) Sometimes I feel, it's the consequences that make life tougher than the actual incident itself. Like, I always feel, death is THE unavoidable thing, then why do people worry so much about it? And then I realize, it's not the death but the life after losing our near and dear ones. It might be in terms of lost love or lost monetary support or lost emotional support-but it's the consequences that make one feel worried. If not, why would one be scared of the most and the only unavoidable thing in human life? Similarly, I also feel that more than the physical suffering that a girl gets through such or similar incidents, she is more afraid of the consequences - afraid of not getting accepted by her family, afraid of getting isolated from her friends and so on.

What will be our reaction if we heard/read about following cases?

1. A businessman getting betrayed by his partner and losing all the money he had
2. A graduated, jobless person getting betrayed by a fake agency which promises him to give job but vanishes taking all his money
3. A lady getting robbed by a fake salesman who takes away all her jewellery
4. A fake institution collecting money from people and then not giving returns
5. A girl getting molested by her boyfriend(?)
6. A man who travels late night in the train and gets beaten up and robbed
7. A woman who works late night getting attacked when she is returning home

I am sure, most of us would say everything is okay except 5 and 7. Why is that so?

When a girl trusts her boyfriend or a colleague, that's her crime and when a businessman trusts his partner, it's just a small mistake?! When a women gets molested, it's her fault that she is working late night; but if a man gets robbed or beaten, 'what can be done now? It's destiny! Just be careful next time!' - why not these simple, caring words for a woman? Why does she have to hear - 'who told u to work till this time? you could have picked up another job. whatever happens in the future, you yourself will be responsible for that.' Why this difference? Because, all that a woman is judged on is her virginity - no matter how she is by nature, how intelligent / hard working / kind / caring / responsible / irresponsible / genuine she is. It all comes to her virginity. She is not accepted once she goes through anything which is against the norms of society.

And as I suppose, it's this negligence or rejection is what is most scary, even more than the actual incident. To her (ex-)boyfriend, it mostly does not matter how much she loved him in past, once she gets molested by someone. Her friends will mostly forget the moments they enjoyed with her, they will mostly forget that she exists. Her relatives will mostly cut down all interactions with her family. It happens, currently it does. They don't accept her because she has been through something which is against the norms set by society. But, there are few others too who are responsible for this. If we cannot reject them, who gives us right to reject her?

I just hope and pray that if we cannot prevent such incidents from happening, we will at least learn to accept the victims. They could be our sisters, wives, daughters, nieces.. anyone..! All we should do is not to prevent our daughters and wives from  choosing some specific career or job or way of living but give them support, backup and a caring word that no matter what happens, they will remain part of the family. At least till the time, when the woman is considered just a woman and not a human being.